Wednesday, April 21
all-english entry; avert if you're sick of negativity @ 14:24
initially it was a joke.
only a friendly joke, layered with sarcasm maybe.
but i know it would hurt.
well it seems like the other person didn't see it as such.
nevertheless, i meant it as something that shouldn't be taken seriously.
the other person should know me by now.
the other person should know how violent my words can be.
otherwise, the other person won't regard me as a trusted friend, right?
i don't know if i should be pissed off by this,
since i did what i did with full consciousness of the consequences.
but i didn't meant to hurt the other person, i promise.
so why...?
fuck tears go awayyy
- - - - - - -
i know the other person is facing all kinds of hardships;
hardships that i know i myself can't handle, for sure.
i can't imagine the burden that the other person is carrying,
but undoubtedly it must be really hard.
so i can understand why the other person keeps putting up sentences implying how hard life is, how people keep going away from the other person, how the other person always get used for other people's selfish reasons, etc.
but after a long while of bearing witness to this habit of the other person, i thought :
"why are you still like this? have you ever thought of why people did that to you? or how to change that by yourself?"
it's almost like calling for sympathy.
yes, i know this is inappropriately fucking rude of me.
yes, i know i DON'T KNOW ANYTHING about your problems.
yes, i have no right to accuse you so.
yes, i've never been in your situation.
and yes, i acknowledge you have the freedom to put up whatever you want.
BUT --
i have the freedom to say what i want, too.
i know i'll make things worse,
but what you said hurts me too.
you're gonna hold only that one bad line til forever?
what happened to all the other lines?
you know, anything good i may have said?
oh wait, i might've never said anything good to you at all.
or nothing i've said made an impact on you.
you're gonna let that one line, that only line i said as a joke, become the memory of me.
i'm sorry, seriously i am.
i'm sorry that i hurt your feelings when i shouldn't have.
and i'm sorry that i'm actually crying over something that i myself has caused.
i'm sorry.
- - - - - - -
apa kau ingat kau je nak sakit?
kau ingat ayat kau tak sakitkan aku jugak?
"aku pegang sampai mati."
peganglah.
i won't hold it against you.
that's your right; i have no place to beg for you to take it back.
since i know i'm the one who started it in the first place.
Labels: emo
